domingo, 18 de março de 2012

Social exclusion creates self exclusion II

                                                     My personal case

            I remember as a chil, I lived  with peoples  who spoke  a lot  about  cars.  Indeed,  few of  these peoples  could by a car. It  was just a hype. Occasionally,  someone  could buy his car,  then this one  almost  becomes king. He was  the center  of  attention. Well, I don't  know  if  the  person  or  the  car.

            As for me,  never crossed  my mind  to have a car. Having  or not having  a car was  indifferent to me. I was  not anxious  about whether  or not  some day I could  be the  happy  owner of an automobile.  I even  had dreams  for my adult life. Profession,  family,  relationships,  several things. But not car.  To tell  the truth  I never  thought  very rational  private  vehicles in a metropolis. At least,  not as it is used. Not that  I have a peeve  with cars. I always  loved   cars  rides,  to see the  landscape  moving  away  from the window, the wind  in my   face,  the comfortable and soft  chairs.

           If  I've  never  been   radically  opposed  to cars,  why  I have  lived  for years and  years  riding  in a bus? Nor do I know. As a young woman I was  convinced that the cities  should  have quality  public  transport. Then  came more reasons ( or  excuses). One day  I was  going  from one school  to another, bouncing around in a bus with a bag full of gradebooks  and proofs, clarity came to me suddenly. Oh my  God,  I need a car!

           I didn't  give up  of  my  convictions,  but I tempered it with  some maturity. There is no convicction that can  withstand  thirty years of crowed  bus!  Especially  when  nothing  is done under  those  convictions. While  I was dating  my  utopia with public tranport    the amount  of  vehicles on the streets  was multiplied  many times over, so today,  I not  only got to ride the bus  but I have  face traffic jams. And after  the insight? Everything  remains  the same because  I didn't  get  learn  drive  enough  to pass  the test  of the Traffic Department and get  my  driver's  license.

           Hopefully  this post  is funny because  the experience  is  some  dramatic. Today,  looking  back  I see  it was my  inability  to balance  idealism  and survival.  Now,  in my  opinion  is  better to do something to denounce  the poor  quality  of public  transport  and buy  a  car.  Good  that  I've environmental  awareness, but  I not  didn't  win  anything  for me  or for the  city only with  tired legs. There was no merit  in my almost  indifference by  car  but   unable  to find  a focus,  a strategy  to pursue  my  way of being  and  thinking.  I'm  paying  a high price  for nothing. Years  and  years  under sun, rain and others  difficulties. I had damage to health.  I didn't  politicize  my  choices  and also  I didn't  to know  to find  a vein  of claims  for my ideas. This is  only  suffering, self exclusion of welfare,  lack of self love, failure in self observation, find my own  needs  and  take  care of  myself.

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